I hate being reminded of the fact that I’m getting on
in years. Back when I entered first grade at Grim
Elementary, I remember being told, “It takes a long
time to grow up, but a short time to grow old.”
Alas it was grim at Grim and, as predicted, the years
flew by. So imagine my surprise recently when I
received my 50th high school reunion announcement.
Nostalgia aside, I decided not to attend the event
because I didn’t like any of those cretins then, and I suspect
they’ve only grown worse. And yet the invite did
cause me to reflect on the aging process, along with the
fact that there are certain tools that may assist you in
navigating your “golden years,” whatever the heck
“golden years” means.
As a young man, I used to live for the phone to ring on a
Saturday night. It meant that the party wasn’t starting
without me. But these days Saturday night usually finds
me engrossed in a good novel, so if the phone rings I
hope it’s a wrong number.
An older friend once said of life’s senior moments: “If
you wake up in the morning and don’t feel a pain, you
know you’re dead.” Along those same lines, before I
retire in the evening I change the channel from Comedy
Central to CNN, so if I croak during the night, they can
say at my homegoing service: George was a newshound
until the very end!
Important writers borrow, lesser writers plagiarize, and I
wholesale steal. Thus, along life’s meandering path, I
have ripped off and klepto’d a great many ideas that
help me keep perspective during this perilous journey to
the great 6-feet under:
- I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute
- Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to
- I used to have a handle on life but it broke.
- You’re just jealous because the voices only talk
- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
- God must love stupid people because he made
- The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
- Consciousness is that annoying time between naps.
- Being ‘over the hill’ is much better then being
- Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be
when I grew up.
- Don’t take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.
I believe old age can be summed up in a joke or two:
(1): Just before the funeral services, the undertaker
came up to the elderly widow and asked, “How old was
“Ninety eight,” she replied, “two years older than me.”
“So you’re 96,” the undertaker said.
“Yes,” she responded. “Hardly worth going home.”
(2): A reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman
asked, “And what do you think is the best thing about
She responded, “No peer pressure.”
A great philosopher once said: “You don’t stop laughing
because you grow old, you grow old because you stop
laughing.” So my advice is to keep laughing until they
throw dirt in your face!
by George Covington
from the Joe
Therapy Horses Help Vets to Heal
Pantoliano He Puts the Fun in Dysfunctional
A Teacher Who Moves Mountains
Saudi Arabia A Princess Seeks
a World of Change
Amato He Sees Music
Humor Adulthood is Overrated
George Covington The Thing About Getting Old
in the Geri Jewell Issue; Humor Adulthood is Overrated; Ashley
Fiolek Balancing Work and Play; Sen. Harkin The Affortable
Care Act; China A Teacher Who Moves Mountains; Saudi Arabia
A Princess Seeks a World of Change; George Covington The Thing
About Getting Old; Derek Amato He Sees Music; Joe Pantoliano
He Puts the Fun in Dysfunctional; Asylum Book
Excerpt; Geri Jewell A Good Act to Follow; Brad Hennefer
Loves His Tee Time; Equine Therapy Horses Help Vets to Heal;
ABILITY's Crossword Puzzle; Events and Conferences...