Jeff on a Roll

Humor Therapy — A Toast to Santa

Circa 2009-10 It was colder this year at the North Pole. The summer had brought about a record snowfall, and the drifts were higher than Robert Downey, Jr. The wind chill had dipped lower than the OJ Simpson dream team, and apathy had settled in like a flea on the back of a slobbering ... Read more


It’s that awful time again when I sit down at the computer, hoping to come up with a clever column. The problem is, I’ve got nothing. I’m just not feeling it right now. I’m not motivated to write about global warming, politics, the economy or even football. Crazy, isn’t it? Sorry. It’s just that ... Read more

Humor — I Do?

Circa 2009 With the divorce rate over fifty percent, should people get married? I say, why not? What the hell else is there to do? Really…What else is there to do? You can’t play football your whole life (I don’t care how big a girl you are). You can’t hit the bars every night. ... Read more

Asthma — Cat Got Your Lungs?

Circa 2009 It always starts at night. I wake up groggy, wondering if I heard a sound, or if my cat, Basil, curled up on my legs again and woke me. I’m a light sleeper. After that first hour of deep sleep, anything can stir me from slumber. But this time, it only takes ... Read more

Humor — Too Sexy For My Chair

Circa 2009 What do you think of people with disabilities? I mean, are they attractive folks? Wow, what a crazy question. I’m sorry, I couldn’t help but to ask it. I’m a disabled dude in a wheelchair, so I’ve often wondered how people see me. For the most part, I’ve been pretty lucky over ... Read more

Humor Therapy — It’s Sad Not Being Happy

Circa 2008 We spend the majority of our days griping about work, gossiping about friends, complaining about the unfairness of life. I don’t understand why it’s so hard to be happy. Look around, you live in a great country. You have food, shelter, your health… and you’re probably not related to Michael Jackson. That, ... Read more

Humor — Run for Office? Run the Other Way!

Circa 2008 I always thought ultimate fighting was a brutal sport, until I started following politics. At least the fighters shake hands after they beat the hell out of each other. Why anyone would want to run for public office is beyond me. The scrutiny is relentless. One thing that would disqualify me is, ... Read more

Humor — Get Off the Couch and Get a Hobby

Circa 2008 Have you ever thought of picking up a hobby? I have a friend whose hobby is thinking of hobbies that he would like to start. It’s been 20 years and he’s yet to take up a hobby, so I guess he really enjoys his hobby. You see, hobbies take time and effort ... Read more

Humor Therapy — Gone, Baby Gone

Circa 2008 Kids these days… you can’t take ‘em and you can’t shove ‘em under a moving car. At this point in my life I should be saying, “Man, I wish I were a kid again.” But, you know what? I’m not. I don’t like what I’m seeing out there: Hoodlums, punks and brats… ... Read more

Humor Therapy — Wheel Fun!

Circa 2007 If I were disabled and in a wheelchair, I think I would be a menace to society. Just for fun I would race around malls and “accidentally on purpose” run into people. They wouldn’t yell at me or hit me because, come on, I’m in a wheelchair and they would look foolish ... Read more

Humor Therapy — Don’t Go There

Circa 2007 Honk if you’re going insane. There’s something about traffic that brings out the beast in me. When I want to get somewhere, I’d like to get there that day—especially if it’s just a trip to the grocery store down the street. Yeah, when you’ve got a severe hankering for a Snickers bar, ... Read more

Humor — Cell Mates

Circa 2005 I was sitting in my car, stuck in traffic— not an uncommon circumstance in the land of smog and sunshine. I glanced over to the car in the next lane. There was a middle-aged woman at the wheel. Beside her in the front passenger seat was a teenage girl, presumably her daughter. ... Read more

Humor Therapy — Days Gone Bye-Bye

Circa 2007 I want to be young again. Adulthood has stolen my health. Parenting has imbedded psychological scars. Monthly bills now seem to come weekly. And work has cut into my playtime, big time. I often reflect on my youth while staring at a clump of my fallen hair that is clogging the shower ... Read more

Humor Therapy — Yo God, Down Here

Circa 2007 Hey God, it’s me, your old friend, remember? The one who was cool and cocky, until you made me humble by putting me in the hospital with chest pains. The one who thought I could do whatever I wanted in life without consequences, until you sent that oncoming car my way. I ... Read more

Humor Therapy

Circa 2006 Reality Check   The problem with living in a free country is there’s nothing we can do to stop reality TV. If the founding fathers had foreseen a society engrossed in viewing a person eating cow entrails or marrying a millionaire who is actually a minimum-wage construction worker, it’s quite possible a ... Read more

Humor Therapy— A Volunteer’s Lament

Circa 2006 When it comes to volunteering, I’m usually the first to speak up… in fact, I volunteer my wife all the time. I knew she’d be dying to chair that PTA strip-tease-a-thon—I just hope I don’t have to pay to get in. It’s tough to be a volunteer, mainly because a volunteer is ... Read more

Humor Therapy — What’s Up Doc?

Circa 2005 Well, it’s that time of the decade again. Time to go to the doctor. Incidentally, this is never my choice, but my wife’s. For reasons beyond my comprehension, my wife, at least for now, wants me to live as long as she does. I guess nagging the cat won’t be as fulfilling. ... Read more

Humor Therapy — Baseball for Lawyers

Circa 2005 One of the great benefits of being a child is to play a game, such as baseball, and modify the rules to suit the circumstances. Instead of swinging and missing the ball and being called out on strike three, the youthful batter simply says, “Do over.” Calling a doover erases the mistake ... Read more

Humor — My Year

Circa 2005 New Year’s Eve is one of those holidays where people are expected to have a great time. The collective expectation of having a really great time drives people to excess consumption to demonstrate that they are indeed having a fabulous evening. This display of fun is manifested in Times Square, where people ... Read more

Humor Therapy — Karaoke

Circa 2004 It seemed like a good restaurant. I was as hungry as a low-carb dieter. There’s nothing like filling your belly over a nice, quiet meal. However, my pipe dream soon became a nightmare. Suddenly, the lights dimmed. Maybe the local power plant was overloaded; after all, this is California. No such luck. ... Read more