Humor ó Too Sexy For My Chair

Humor TherapyWhat do you think of people with disabilities? I mean, are they attractive folks? Wow, what a crazy question. Iím sorry, I couldnít help but to ask it. Iím a disabled dude in a wheelchair, so Iíve often wondered how people see me.

For the most part, Iíve been pretty lucky over the years with the whole dating thing. I can usually tell whether or not someone is attracted to me. Being laughed at could be a no go signal. Getting spit upon is never a good sign. Being slappedóI consider myself still in the game.

There have been times when I think Iím connecting with a totally hot babe only to find that sheís really not interested in me at all. Of course, I always wonder if itís me sheís just not attracted to or if itís the disability that turned her off. Itís not like sheís going to tell me. ďOf course itís not your disability, honey, youíre just ugly.Ē Well thank God for that. For a second there, I thought you were shallow.

Iíve also been out with my buddies and been the one who gets the girl, only to hear my friends mutter, ďMan, I gotta get me a wheelchair.Ē So, I hate to say it but, the disability has helped land me a chick or twoÖnot in the same night, but hey, Iím still young. I havenít deciphered my appeal; maybe women think a guy with a disability can be trusted. Fools, I say, but Iíll take it. Use whatever you got, baby. Damn right, Iíll take a sympathy dateÖas long as sheís buying.

You never know what people are into. I once dated a girl for two years. She loved to go to the mall with me. Come to find out, she was just using me for my handicap placard. Swine! Donít worry, the deception was mutual, Ďcause I was just using her to get to her hot mother. (I got a thing for them cougars.)

I know thereís always going to be something wrong with the person Iím dating. For starters, sheís with me and that just donít seem right. I joke, but I joke for a purpose. I know that my sense of humor is a strong quality of mine. Many girls have dated me because of my sense of humor. (On a side note, many girls have dumped me because of my sense of humor.) My point is, always play to your strengthsó like personality, charm, nurturing, or washing their car.

Iíve got to be honest with youÖIím not attracted to disabled people. I mean, come on, what if I dated another quad? Somebodyís got to do the heavy lifting in the relationship. (I mean the moving and grooving in the sack, wink, wink.) It would just be too difficult to be with another quad. What would we do? Lie in bed smoking cigarettes, talking about how good it couldíve been? Bump and grind wheelchairs? Besides, by the time either of us got undressed it would be morning. Iím sorry, I think itís best if I stay away from my own kind. Maybe Iím shallow.

This, by no means, means that I think people with disabilities are unattractiveóto each, his or her own. I never really know how others view me. Itís probably not important. Iím glad I donít have Andy Rooney eyebrows. (That dude needs a weed whacker.) However clichť it might sound, whatís important is how I see myselfÖwhich is obviously a hunk, a hunk of burning love. You heard me. I see you undressing me in your mind. Stop it! Youíre embarrassing me.

Simply put, just like who you are. I do, Ďcause thatís who I have to live withÖand it ainít easy. (Iím moody. Shut up! Iím sorry.) So if youíre mean, rude or bitter, youíre probably an ugly person. As for looks, we are what we are. Take it or leave it. Life will still go on. Donít judge a book by its cover, lest ye be judged back by the book. And donít let the judge throw the book at you after youíve been booked. (Incidentally, check out my book on $14.95.)

So are people with disabilities attractive? Who knows? Who cares? My opinion is, a person with a disability brings a lot to a relationship table (besides, possibly, their own chair). Itís about seeing beauty beyond the physical realmÖor through a pair of binoculars. It involves a real connection of seeing into your partnerís soul. It doesnít always have to be about appearance or sex...thatís only 96% of it. Thereís somebody for everybody out there (even Andy Rooney). Yeah, you might not get that hot babe or that gorgeous guy, but who knows? You might get something better: someone who loves you for who you are. Stranger things have happened.

by Jeff Charlebois

ABILITY Magazine
Other articles in the RJ Mitte issue include; Senator Harkin — ADA: 19 Years Of Progress; Humor — Too Sexy For My Chair; Ashley’s Column — Stop The Presses; Sobel Foundation — How To Nurture Good News; Chuck U — Performing Arts Studio West Actors’ Class; Asthma — Cat Got Your Lungs?; Independent Living — Interview With Louis Frick; Ability To Help — My First Chance To Volunteer; Marriott’s — Bridges To Work; Mean Little Deaf Queer — Terry Galloway; ABILITY's Crossword Puzzle; Events and Conferences...subscribe

More excerpts in the RJ Mitte issue include:

RJ Mitte — Breaking Bad Is Good Interview

UN Convention — Words From The Whitehouse

Brazil — UN Convention Struggle

Landmines — Jerry White’s Survivor Corps Mission

Asthma — Cat Got Your Lungs?

Humor — Too Sexy For My Chair

ABILITY to Help — My First Chance To Volunteer

Bookmark and Share


social media

blog facebook twitter