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Humor Therapy — Calling Them Out

Calling Them Out - people texting on smart phonesI’m really starting to believe I’m a very popular person. I must get twenty calls a day. My phone has never rung so much in my life. I used to get excited when the phone rang. Maybe it was an old friend I hadn’t talked to in years; or an ex-girlfriend realizing her mistake of kicking me to the curb. Perhaps even a sweepstakes company telling me I won a snowmobile. Unfortunately, almost every call I get is worthless. It seems to always be someone wanting to sell me something. I’m busy during the days. It seems like every time I answer the phone I’m saying, “You mean to tell me, you interrupted my “Call of Duty” video game to pitch me this?”

Whatever the person is selling, it’s always something I don’t want. Recently someone called trying to sell me a burial plot. I’m only forty-something. Does he know something I don’t know? The only upside was, if I bought it, at least I know I’d use it for sure. I couldn’t get the guy off the phone. I finally told him, “Oh, you know what, my parents gave me one of these for my birthday last year. Can’t wait to use it.”

I get a lot of calls about solar energy. Maybe it’s a good idea, possibly not. I just know they look ugly on houses. And looks are everything. It’s why I dye my hair. My electricity has been working fine as it is. The television and lights go on. Solar energy could be one of those things that comes back to bite you in the ass. Whenever I change something that has been working fine for me, because I wanted to save a few bucks, it’s almost always a mistake. I did that with cable, and I’m still kicking myself. I lost my Hallmark channel. I loved Christmas movies in July.

There was only one important call I received this week. Lately, I’ve had trouble sleeping, and one day, thankfully, I fell into a well-needed, nice deep sleep on the couch. The ringing of the phone startled me awake. When I answered it, it was the pharmacy letting me know my sleeping pills were ready for pick-up. No, I didn’t fall back asleep.

Typically, I just don’t answer the phone. Through trial and error, I know what evil lurks on the other end; a scammer, a carpet cleaning company, a non-profit charitable organization. I’m no fool. Once they start talking, it’s hard to be ruthless and hang up. I’ll feel guilty, believing I may have made the caller cry. But, I must admit, I’ve gotten better at it. I’ve come to realize my time on this earth is finite. There’s a cemetery plot waiting for me with my name on it. I live alone, and there are times when I do answer the phone, knowing full well someone is craving to sell me something. I get lonely, and it’s just nice to talk to someone. ...
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by Jeff Charlebois

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