Humor — Too Sexy For My Chair

Circa 2009

What do you think of people with disabilities? I mean, are they attractive folks? Wow, what a crazy question. I’m sorry, I couldn’t help but to ask it. I’m a disabled dude in a wheelchair, so I’ve often wondered how people see me.

For the most part, I’ve been pretty lucky over the years with the whole dating thing. I can usually tell whether or not someone is attracted to me. Being laughed at could be a no go signal. Getting spit upon is never a good sign. Being slapped—I consider myself still in the game.

There have been times when I think I’m connecting with a totally hot babe only to find that she’s really not interested in me at all. Of course, I always wonder if it’s me she’s just not attracted to or if it’s the disability that turned her off. It’s not like she’s going to tell me. “Of course it’s not your disability, honey, you’re just ugly.” Well thank God for that. For a second there, I thought you were shallow.

I’ve also been out with my buddies and been the one who gets the girl, only to hear my friends mutter, “Man, I gotta get me a wheelchair.” So, I hate to say it but, the disability has helped land me a chick or two…not in the same night, but hey, I’m still young. I haven’t deciphered my appeal; maybe women think a guy with a disability can be trusted. Fools, I say, but I’ll take it. Use whatever you got, baby. Damn right, I’ll take a sympathy date…as long as she’s buying.

check this out

You never know what people are into. I once dated a girl for two years. She loved to go to the mall with me. Come to find out, she was just using me for my handicap placard. Swine! Don’t worry, the deception was mutual, ‘cause I was just using her to get to her hot mother. (I got a thing for them cougars.)

I know there’s always going to be something wrong with the person I’m dating. For starters, she’s with me and that just don’t seem right. I joke, but I joke for a purpose. I know that my sense of humor is a strong quality of mine. Many girls have dated me because of my sense of humor. (On a side note, many girls have dumped me because of my sense of humor.) My point is, always play to your strengths— like personality, charm, nurturing, or washing their car.

I’ve got to be honest with you…I’m not attracted to disabled people. I mean, come on, what if I dated another quad? Somebody’s got to do the heavy lifting in the relationship. (I mean the moving and grooving in the sack, wink, wink.) It would just be too difficult to be with another quad. What would we do? Lie in bed smoking cigarettes, talking about how good it could’ve been? Bump and grind wheelchairs? Besides, by the time either of us got undressed it would be morning. I’m sorry, I think it’s best if I stay away from my own kind. Maybe I’m shallow.

check this out

This, by no means, means that I think people with disabilities are unattractive—to each, his or her own. I never really know how others view me. It’s probably not important. I’m glad I don’t have Andy Rooney eyebrows. (That dude needs a weed whacker.) However cliché it might sound, what’s important is how I see myself…which is obviously a hunk, a hunk of burning love. You heard me. I see you undressing me in your mind. Stop it! You’re embarrassing me.

Simply put, just like who you are. I do, ‘cause that’s who I have to live with…and it ain’t easy. (I’m moody. Shut up! I’m sorry.) So if you’re mean, rude or bitter, you’re probably an ugly person. As for looks, we are what we are. Take it or leave it. Life will still go on. Don’t judge a book by its cover, lest ye be judged back by the book. And don’t let the judge throw the book at you after you’ve been booked. (Incidentally, check out my book on…only $14.95.)

So are people with disabilities attractive? Who knows? Who cares? My opinion is, a person with a disability brings a lot to a relationship table (besides, possibly, their own chair). It’s about seeing beauty beyond the physical realm…or through a pair of binoculars. It involves a real connection of seeing into your partner’s soul. It doesn’t always have to be about appearance or sex…that’s only 96% of it. There’s somebody for everybody out there (even Andy Rooney). Yeah, you might not get that hot babe or that gorgeous guy, but who knows? You might get something better: someone who loves you for who you are. Stranger things have happened.

by Jeff Charlebois

sharing is caring

we did our part - now do yours and share

like a good neighbor, share

Related Articles: