The Squeaky Wheel (HR)

It’s Human Resources Here to Inform You that Your Accommodations Request Was Approved. And You Got a Raise? Also, Your Childhood Crush Just Moved Back to Town and Wants to Grab a Bite?

squeaky hr

Dear employee,

We are delighted to inform you that your request for reasonable accommodations has been approved. Effective immediately, you can work your requested hours remotely, and your on-site office space has already been modified with the adaptive equipment you need. We also threw in a cabinet full of your favorite snacks as a little bonus.

Upon reviewing your employee record, we’ve additionally decided that you deserve more little treats, and we will be increasing your weekly compensation accordingly. To avoid any interference with your healthcare benefits, we are giving you this additional compensation in the form of cash, gift cards and passwords to all of the streaming services.

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We also wanted to let you know that Alexa, your crush from high school, has moved back to town and lives right down the block from you now! She wants to get dinner with you at your convenience and is eager to become close again. Don’t tell her we told you, but she was also asking if you were single?

Later, as we were confirming your emergency contact, your dad asked us to tell you how proud of you he is and that he fixed your broken door opener button as well as the other door openers at your favorite neighborhood locations. Like your coworkers, he had nothing to say about you other than that you are delightful and a fantastic human.

We were hoping to deliver all of this news in person tomorrow, but unfortunately we have decided that our company will be closed for the rest of the month. All employees will receive paid time off for the next 29 days.

Steven Verdile avatar

by Steven Verdile

Steven is the creator and editor-in-chief of The Squeaky Wheel. He lives in New York City with his girlfriend, spending his mornings drinking iced coffee and his evenings binging television and seeing musicals. An advocate for authentic representation in media, he created The Squeaky Wheel to amplify disabled voices and bring humor to the nuances of living with a disability.

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