Humor

7 New Phrases Ableds are Using to Avoid Ever Saying ‘Disabled’

We all love it when able-bodied people refuse to say the word “disabled” out loud. Just like them, we feel squirmy and uncomfortable when we think about our weird bodies and brains. So here are seven of our favorite new things they’re calling us to make sure our experience is never acknowledged — just like … Read more

Deaf Audience Can Tell Movie Captioner Has Creative Writing Degree

LOS ANGELES — At last night’s screening of the movie “Seven Hours,” the entirely deaf audience walked out confused — not by the plot of the film, but by the captions, which were clearly written by someone with a creative writing degree. The job of the movie captioner is to transcribe the dialogue and sound … Read more

Oompa Loompas File Class Action ADA Suit Against Wonka Corporation 

The Oompa Loompa workers of the Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory have filed a class action suit against their employer, the Wonka corporation. The Loompas allege a host of disability and labor violations, claiming requests for reasonable accommodations are ignored, harassing behavior is common, pay is discriminatory, and the factory is wildly out of code with … Read more

How Being Robbed Helped Me Stay Under $2000

I was so worried about how I was going to stay under the $2000 SSI resource limit this month, and then all my problems were miraculously solved when I got robbed! Sometimes the solution really does come from where you least expect it.  Now, I’m actually best friends with the person who robbed me because … Read more

Autistic Parents Give Birth To a Healthy Tylenol

Raiciner, Wis. — This week, a local autistic couple welcomed a lovely, bouncing baby Tylenol into the world, weighing in at 500 milligrams. “They’re just so cute. Frank, come take a look at their little granules!” new mother Lacey Walsch said while holding her newborn. Despite popular stereotypes, autistic couples not only can have children, … Read more

Transformer-Style Full Body Insulin Pump Stuns at Comic-Con

SAN DIEGO — The San Diego Comic-Con Cosplay Contest gave out awards today, and the votes were unanimous. Matthew West and his homemade Transformer armor won Best In Show, Judges’ Choice, Best Re-Creation, Best Original Design and Best Workmanship (list abridged for brevity). “We see Transformer re-creations yearly,” said longtime CC judge Charlotte Fey. “This … Read more

RFK Jr. Outlaws SSRIs, Approves New Plant-Derived Treatment Called Cocaine

“You really feel like you can conquer the world when you’re on this stuff.” Robert F. Kennedy Jr. and a Make America Healthy Again scientist held a press conference to announce their latest administrative changes. Here is a transcript excerpt. RFK Jr.: The government has been harming Americans for too long. Therefore, I have reclassified … Read more

Awkward! Woman with CP Actually Does Know Your Boyfriend’s Neighbor’s Cousin Who Uses a Wheelchair

NEW YORK — In an inspiring moment that local disability organizations call a “triumph for stereotyping,” local woman Ava Dudley, who has cerebral palsy, made an exciting announcement: She does know your boyfriend’s neighbor’s cousin who uses a wheelchair after all.  Dudley, 32, didn’t think much of it when first asked if she was friends with … Read more

Squeaky Wheel Ranked ‘Worst Place for Disabled People to Work’ Because We Couldn’t Afford to Get on the Good Lists

Resource company DisabledCorp™ has published a list featuring the top companies for disabled people to work for. Ranking absolutely last on the list was Squeaky Wheel Media, the 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization responsible for the mediumly acclaimed disability satire magazine The Squeaky Wheel. Companies gracing the top of the list include Amazon, Lockheed Martin, Walmart, … Read more

Humor Therapy —The Squeaky Wheel

I’m a Disabled SSI Recipient and Medicaid Beneficiary on Food Stamps. Here’s Why I Support Donald Trump! Have you noticed how each election season, everyone assumes they know who you support based on your demographics? Christian? Got to be Republican. Queer? Democrat. Ignorant? Republican. Annoying? Democrat. It’s tiresome, and I’m here to publicly reclaim my … Read more

Humor Therapy — The Squeaky Wheel

We Ranked Disabilities by How Embarrassing They Are to Disclose Most disabilities come with some form of stigma, but not all disability stigma is created equal. The Squeaky Wheel ranked all seven disabilities (yes, any disabilities not on this list are fake) by how humiliating they are to reveal. 7. Cancer Revealing a hidden cancer … Read more

The Squeaky Wheel — Move Over, Disability Pride Month: It’s White Wheelchair Guy Summer

With disability pride month beginning, it’s important we take a moment to recognize who this month is usually about: straight white cis male wheelchair users. The Squeaky Wheel itself was created by one of them, and you guessed it — he’s writing this very story. White wheelchair guys have long been the face of disability. … Read more

The Squeaky Wheel (HR)

It’s Human Resources Here to Inform You that Your Accommodations Request Was Approved. And You Got a Raise? Also, Your Childhood Crush Just Moved Back to Town and Wants to Grab a Bite? Dear employee, We are delighted to inform you that your request for reasonable accommodations has been approved. Effective immediately, you can work … Read more

The Woke Left has Taken Away People in Wheelchairs Hiding Their Legs Under a Raggedy Blanket

America used to be a place of freedom. A place where you could call an adult man “stumpy Stewie” because he lost his hand in a factory accident. And a place where you could send neurodivergent women to the hysteria ward just for funsies. Wheelchair users back then had the decency to cover up their … Read more

Thanks, Inflation! Man with 3 Disabilities Now Has 4

Due to the inevitable flow of supply and demand, and also increasing corporate shareholder profits, inflation is everywhere. When local man Thomas Cole visited his primary care physician Dr. Richmen, he found it there too. “I regret to have to tell you that in addition to your muscular dystrophy, arthritis and ADHD, we also believe … Read more

5 Ways to Clarify You’re (Badass) Disabled and Not (Inspirational) Disabled

Everyone knows about the two types of disabled people. The traditional type is sad and inspirational, like the tiny boy with crutches who begs Ebenezer Scrooge for tidbits of hard bread with cold porridge. The new type of disabled is totally different and very cool, like the hot people with mobility aids from the woke … Read more

Humor Therapy — Animals Could Have a Beef

Animals are a big part of human life. We love our pets. We go to zoos to observe them. We ride horses. We get milk and cheese from cows. And, of course, we make yummy dishes out of them. They are interwoven into our society. They have even become part of our everyday conversation as … Read more

Humor Therapy — Don’t You Dare Laugh!

So, these two Jews walk in a bar and… Oops let me try this. A Pollack and Catholic priest are in a plane and… Never mind. A drunk Irish man runs into a Mexican and says… I’ll leave that be. A black guy, a Chinese fellow and a gay Swede were driving down the road… … Read more

Humor Therapy — Christmas isn’t looking so good?

I’m hoping this Christmas tops last year’s. Thanks to Covid, we weren’t allowed to travel anywhere in 2020 and couldn’t get our presents from family and friends. My God, did they get off easy! I haven’t forgotten, though. I sent out the word to my gift-giving circles, informing them that they’re still on the hook … Read more

Humor Therapy — All Lie Dating

Dying is easy, dating is hard. It’s difficult to find the right person and, if by chance you’re lucky enough to find the right person, often they turn into the wrong person. This on-line dating has probably made things easier. You can start to weed people out before you waste a night on a … Read more